It doesn’t take long before direct reports of my clients ask me how to deal with a moody or unresponsive leader. It’s an interesting request, because the leaders they’re referring to are often either indifferent to—or in denial about—their impact.
Some leaders believe it’s their right to be moody. As a result, they reject the idea that they should be more receptive to what their people say or ask.
That’s their prerogative, of course. But I often wonder: what are they missing because of this attitude?
In the situations where I can serve as an “official” witness to this behavior, I raise the issue based on direct observation. Surprisingly, I still get pushback. And that response—more than the moodiness itself—is what creates the real setback.
Because when leaders dismiss feedback, something important happens:
people stop offering it.
I saw this play out with one leader who repeatedly ignored a direct report’s concerns about an underperforming employee. The feedback was specific and consistent, but it was dismissed for months.
By the time action was finally taken, the damage was done—the team’s work had been set back significantly. The direct report was left not only frustrated, but far less inclined to speak up the next time it mattered.
And when that happens, leaders don’t just miss opinions—they miss early warnings, better ideas, and opportunities to build trust. Over time, the team adapts… by staying quiet.
For those leaders willing to consider the possibility that their impact may not match their intent, here are a few ways to start:
- Ask several trusted direct reports if they’ve observed this behavior—and where it may have had unintended consequences. Be specific and be prepared to listen without defending.
- The next time you feel yourself pushing back or dismissing a comment, pause. Listen. Reflect. Then respond.
- Consider an emotional intelligence assessment to gain objective insight into how your behavior is experienced by others.
You don’t have to change your personality. But if your behavior is limiting what others are willing to tell you, you may be operating with less information than you think.
And that’s a risk most leaders can’t afford.
“A wise man speaks because he has something to say, a fool speaks because he has to say something.
– Plato
Header image by Kampus Production/Pexels.
