Have you ever made assumptions about what someone is thinking, reacted based on those assumptions, only to find out that you were completely wrong? We all do this occasionally, but frankly, it’s a bad habit.
You never know what’s going on with someone…you need to ask.
A client was put off by one of his managers, whose behavior had become more withdrawn and less communicative than usual. It took a little digging, but the client finally admitted that he used sarcasm and criticism to express his displeasure about this. He also made the focus all about him, and not the manager. I don’t need to tell you how completely ineffective this tact was!
You can barely begin to list all the things that go on beneath the surface. In recent months, I’ve had clients and friends dealing with everything from relocating an elderly parent to a nursing home to hospitalizing a severely ill child to marital problems arising from lack of work/family balance.
When someone’s normal communication style shifts, most often it has nothing to do with you; it has to do with the person. Don’t make it about you. Try to find out what lies beneath.
This doesn’t take much effort. You can say something as simple as, “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” Sometimes the person will share, other times not. The acknowledgement that you noticed that something is different, however, will make the person appreciate your concern.
I sat in on an employee performance review recently where the employee clearly had an issue that she wasn’t willing to share with her manager. That obstacle will prove problematic, but it’s important that the manager does not make assumptions about what the underlying concern is. When the time is right, the employee will speak up.
You’re not always going to learn what lies beneath, but making an effort to find out will serve you well.
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
– Henry Winkler
Header image by Alena Darmel/Pexels.
